Years ago, when I decided I wanted to start doing business online, I knew that I had my work cut out for me. After all, I knew that I wanted a big part of it to be about “self love”. I needed to learn how to love myself just as much as anyone, and cut out negative self talk.

I’m gonna get very real with you for a minute. Being vulnerable is hard for me, but I think what I have to say might just help you. So, I guess that means I’m taking one for the team?

I can be very mean – I’m a fiery Sagittarius after all. I have VERY high standards for the people around me (just ask my poor husband), and even higher standards when it comes to myself. Like impossibly high. Standards that no human on Earth could ever possibly live up to. So I let myself down all the time. And for years, I have had a pretty nasty habit of telling myself how much I SUCK.

Here are examples of negative self talk I’ve said to myself:

• “You are a terrible mother. You’re always forgetting the stuff your kid needs. Look around. Everyone else is a way better mother than you are. You just can’t get anything right.” 
• “Your house is a mess, your car is a mess, and your whole life is a mess.  Why can’t you just get your S#@t together?  What is WRONG with you? You SUCK at absolutely everything!”
• “No one wants to hear what you have to say. Why do you even bother? You’re a disaster! How could you possibly help anyone else?”

Okay, okay, you get the point. I have been so mean to myself all of these years! Do you ever do that? Perhaps you do it without even realizing it sometimes.

In the past three years, I have read a ton of books and taken boat loads of classes. I have studied the subject of self love pretty darn hard. I am even in the process of creating my own course.

Tips To Fight Negative Self Talk

I may know quite a bit about how to do it now, but I often still get it wrong. The ugly pattern of negative self talk is pretty deeply ingrained in my mind. Maybe you struggle with that issue as well. But now I have some tools and practices that I can use to help BREAK this nasty cycle. That is just what I want to share with you today, dear reader! Remember these tips any time that you are caught in the “not enough-ness” and you’re being super mean to yourself.

Self love is an everyday practice.

Self love is not something that you learn how to do, and then you just move on to the next thing. It is something you have to implement in your life on each and every day. If you have ever tried to start a good life habit, then you know very well that it takes lots and lots of practice.

The more you do it, the easier it becomes.

I am not saying that I do not still tell myself nasty things at times. The difference now is that I am doing it, I am able to catch myself in the act. I can stop it a whole lot faster than I used to!

So here’s what I want you to know and start to practice:

Stop for a moment and notice what you are doing.

Just acknowledge that you are upset. It’s ok to be upset. If you need to cry, then do it! Let your emotions be okay, and don’t try to stop them.

Next, think about what you need right now, and then (here’s the important part) GIVE it to yourself!

Maybe you need a nap, or a break. Maybe you need a massage, or even to just go for a walk. Stop and think about what would make you feel better, and then actually go do it! Do this, even if it means you have to ask for help!

Speak more kindly to yourself.

Imagine your friend is having a very bad day and feeling like she sucks at life. What would you say to her? Would you tell her, “yeah you’re right, you really do suck”? Or would you give her a big ol’ hug and then tell her how amazing she is? You would bend over backward to try and cheer her up! Wouldn’t you say something more like “Sweet girl, you’ve been working so hard, give yourself a break! You are so amazing and it’s ok that you screwed up. We ALL screw up sometimes. You are not alone in this”.

Homework To Break The Negative Self Talk Cycle

Bookmark this post now! The next time that you are feeling overwhelmed and like you might suck at life, pull it up on your phone. Try at least one of the things I’ve shared here.

I’m not saying that I no longer feel down on myself, and I am certainly not always perfect in this practice. However, it has been such a help to me to have some tools to turn to when I need them. Just remember, it is not an overnight process. In fact, it’s a lifelong practice! What I’ve shared here has helped me so much, and I know it can help you, too!